I bounce and bounce, and bounce. Sheets stripped of their purpose and bundled onto the floor. How can someone with so much energy fall asleep on a bustling summers night? People are still out as are the creatures & critters. Next door I hear the neighbors little boy ecstatically laughing, a warming rumble than a high pitched screech, almost like he was surprised than back to absolute hysterics. He and his family are playing rugby, a perfect game for a perfect night. Oh, how I wish I was outside. I give in to the suns rays, I open the window, streaming from the sky, to be present with such beautiful light beaming into my bedroom a touch of sun on my skin. My many freckles reminders of the suns previous kisses. Out the window I go, an escape route I’m very familiar with. Sprinting to the lawn an attempt to burn the energy parading through my body, I can’t help but feel like I’m on top of the world. The surrounding flora waving to me in the mid-summer breeze, the scent of mums roses dainty on the nose.  Out comes dad. He smirks an obvious disguise to the laughter he shields. One by one my younger siblings trot out, their smiles so big. Their anticipation creates an unspoken excitement between us, no need to convince dad to turn on the sprinklers. Like zoo animals we stomp, we roar and we dart quickly on our feet. Sleep will only come when it is acquainted with exhaustion which at present are only strangers.

When I manage to sleep, I really sleep and sleep. A contrast to when I was younger and naive.  Those years have passed and everyday life taking a toll on my energy. During a summer’s night, I tumble and turn, my back seems to hurt and my eyes seem to ache. History repeats itself and once more the sheets kicked off my bed bundled in a heap on the floor but this time it’s out of frustration.  Like every summers night the birds are chirping, a song every bird seems to know like it was handed down through the ages. Right now it is more annoying than ever. It’s eight right now and you can still hear the neighborhood kids playing, piercing screeches preventing tranquility in what should be a peaceful place. My sibling’s voices so loud echo through the house, the noise is inescapable, they want to play, they want to run and they want to stay awake till the sun is gone. The curtains swaying side to side, the open window drawing in the breeze. The sun is so bright I feel blinded by the rays hitting the floor,  I close my eyes tight I refuse to allow the sun to contribute to my lack of sleep. As I continue to lay awake I turn on music as a last minute resort, I hear the blend of well crafted musical instruments combined to create a tune of complete mastery. I close my eyes, relax my shoulders and lay on my back, I drift off. Right now sleep has become acquainted with exhaustion.

Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. Yasmin, well done for varying your syntax (sentence structures) purposefully. I would be careful of “one-line descriptions.” Consider how you could extend interesting ideas through the senses: sights, sounds, smells, feelings/touch or taste. Also, watch your repetition of I; the pronoun is not always needed. Lastly, there are some mechanical errors that you will need to fix for this piece to be crafted effectively.

  2. Hi Yasmin, the first section of your writing is still more detailed than your first and I would use the first timeframe as a “pattern” for the descriptions in your second. Consider aspects in this first timeframe that you have left out; how could these aspects be used/referred to, now that times have changed? Also, once you have balanced both timeframes, I would read this writing out loud to hear where there should be joins or breaks in the sentences. There are some moments where the description seems slightly “listed” so using punctuation, conjunctions or additional vocab. may help to flow these ideas. I hope that these comments help 🙂


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